Sometimes it takes me a little longer to form my New Years Resolutions but the fact that it’s not even mid January makes me think I still have time to figure out what I want 2013 to be like. I haven’t really been into creating words for the year but this year, it seems the thing to do. Two words have been toying in my brain.. the word AWAKE and the word PURPOSE.
I want to be awake in my life. I found in the past that it’s so easy to numb our thoughts and emotions with too many hours on facebook, too many bad tv shows, too many hours playing dumb wordgames on my phone, too much music and not enough silence. It’s easy to go a day without really stopping and thinking about things. I find that my brain becomes cloudy and I easily lose focus of who I am, who God is, what the whole point of this life is… and so I’m resolving to be more awake. To live each day paying attention and experiencing all the good things in life.
I had a shocking realization as I thought back on 2012.. I didn’t really get up to much. Sure I learned to run and dropped some weight and did a few things but my year was spent just “keeping on with keeping on”. I spent a lot of time and energy focused on my personal life which meant that I spent a lot of time ignoring other areas of life and people. I can’t really look at 2012 month by month and be able to note each one as anything other than a month. So that’s where the whole idea of PURPOSE comes in. I want to be able to look at chunks of time and think.. yes, that’s when I accomplished this or that and that’s when I learned to do this or went there. Even if it’s something simple like, I wrote letters to all my friends or I paid more attention to a difficult student, I want each month to have a purpose and I want to live each day with purpose. To do so involves figuring out what exactly I’m meant to be doing (more on that later) which I think is an ongoing thing that one needs to constantly reevaluate and so I will resolve myself to looking at the things I can accomplish now.
In this stage of life, it’s easy to be easy on myself. I only have to take care of me. I don’t have some of the pressures and responsiblities that my friends have in their lives. It is/would be all too easy to just coast day to day, week to week, month to month until something big (aka a man, a marriage, a baby) comes along. Deep down I don’t want to be wasting my time and I don’t want to be in a perpetual stage of “waiting for something to happen”… especially if it never does happen. For whatever reason, these are my current circumstances and so I need to embrace them for what they are and live my life, this life to the fullest.
So this is me figuring it all out. Making notes of the things I’m thinking, the things I’m reading, the things I’m learning, the things I’m watching, the things I’m listening to and the things I’m doing. And hopefully in 12 months time I’ll be able to look back at 2013 and know that it was a year during which I was truly awake and purposeful in my thoughts and actions.