Purpose. What is my purpose? Why am I here? What am I really meant to be doing? Now, I have read many books on the subject and discussed this at length with all sorts of people. I know a few things about finding our purpose. I know that my primary purpose, the main reason I’m on this planet, existing, is to “glorify God and enjoy Him forever”. I know that I am glorifying Him by spreading His Word, obeying Him and worshipping Him. I know that I am enjoying Him by being in constant contact and communication with Him and delighting to serve Him. I know this as fact.
I also know that it really is not all about me. I know that I need to see God’s work and join Him in that. I know that I shouldn’t be wasting time trying to think about my own personal purpose when I could be busy serving His. I know that more than anything I need to be figuring out what His purpose is.. These are things I know.
I also know that not everyone is called to live glitzy, important, famous lives for Jesus. I know that whether my purpose is to sweep floors or start a powerful Christian movement or NGO, as long as I’m serving God, it doesn’t matter. I may be called to a very ordinary existence and yet God can accomplish much through us ordinary folks. I know this is true.
However, I find that I have thoughts and ideas floating through my head constantly. I find myself wondering if maybe I’m meant to be doing more. I find myself dreaming about doing some pretty big things. I look around and wonder if I’m missing something. Am I meant to be a teacher forever? Am I meant to be a single teacher who lives overseas? Why? What about my interest in helping teenage girls realize their potential and deal with the junk life throws at them? Well I’m sort of helping with that in a bit of a back handed way. But am I meant to write a book and speak on issues that I feel are relevant? I think that could be fun.. I think I might be kind of good at it.. But I don’t really know what to say.
What about my interest in stopping human trafficking and my desire to help girls who are rescued from horrible situations? Do I want to do that because I like the idea of it or because I really feel like God is calling me into a different kind of work? Do I want to get involved because I think it would be pretty cool or because I feel like God has equipped me and been readying me to serve Him that way…? But how do I even go about doing that?
These are things I wonder about. I’m in my early 30s and I have a career that I like. I feel like I’m pretty good at what I do and I could probably stay in this work until my retiring/dying day. But what about these ideas, these pangs, these desires I have to do something different? What if I feel the urge to go out on a limb to serve Him? What if I feel like I’m called to be doing more? It’s not because I’m miserable at all, it’s just because I wonder…
God says over and over we are to wait patiently for Him. This is one of those times I’m thinking. So what do I do?
Well, I look for opportunities to serve Him now, right where I am. I look for opportunities to serve Him in other ways and pray for clarity and that He would work out the details. And I plan my life in such a way that I am able to be open to change (paying debt, managing finances, being wise.. getting ready incase my story is meant to change). I serve Him in the ways He’s given me and I remain awake enough and open enough and available enough to be moved if that is His will.
Not all that complicated when it’s written out now, is it?
P.S. I wrote this post a while ago and just recently read in David Platt’s book Radical how this kind of wondering and waiting for a feeling is totally against our simple call to go and serve God. Drop, sell, move to the remote areas of the world. Well I’m already in the 10/40 window so maybe I really need to start opening my eyes to what is around me and whether I feel a warm feeling in my stomach or not.. I need to start telling people about Jesus…. *gulp*