And so I smile

Because these are days where everything seems so… volatile and because I’m in the fairly new habit of living life one day at a time, I have noticed that I do my best to block out the future in my mind. Because these days I find the future to actually be quite scary.

Living in the moment can do that to you– it can prevent you from thinking about anything beyond the boundaries of the next 24 hours.  And usually that is a very good thing.
It is the beginning of the school year and so I am in the midst of planning, planning, planning. Almost daily I am sent emails with important dates to note down and I pretty much loathe receiving every one of them. Not because I don’t want to know that this year I get to chaperone the middle school dance (you really haven’t lived until you’ve experienced that ball of wonder) but because it reminds me that things are so incredibly unknown.
I write down a date in November and wonder what the world will be like then. I write down a date in April and wonder how much different things will be or not be. It frightens me.
Up until recently I have been blessed by living in a state of constant excitement about “what’s next”? Whether that next thing was 7th grade or graduating high school or starting university, graduating, new jobs, new relationships, living in new countries, going on fun holidays… getting older has all been rather thrilling.
Until lately.
Until the not-so-fun parts of growing up started showing up. Suddenly, the harsh realities of life started to close in and my tomorrow became a little scarier.
And now that Proverbs 31 verse takes on a whole new meaning.. “Strength and dignity are her clothing and she laughs at the time to come.” (ESV) or my favourite: “Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she smiles at the future” (NASB).
The idea of laughing at the future, as I write dates down in my diary, is rather intimidating but something I would love to be able to do. In sitting here I wonder how do I do that? How do I stop feeling sick to my stomach when I have to write down another date? I think I  know the answer. That’s where the idea of faith and hope are vital. I may not be quite able to laugh yet but I think I can muster a smile.
I can smile at the future because I know who God is.
I can smile at the days to come because I know that no matter how dark they may get, He will not leave me.
I can smile because I know that He is with me all the way and will give me all that I need in order to get through whatever He puts me through.
I smile at the future, not because I know it will be filled with fun and happy times (it might be!) but because I know that God will get me through it, whatever may be.
I am not alone and that’s why I smile.

One thought on “And so I smile

  1. I can so relate to this it’s funny. Writing down dates in the calendar and trying to plan but realizing that things may not happen as we imagine them. Anyway, I do love your conclusions about “smiling” and the reasons we can smile – we will hold on to this!

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