I have been going through a lot in terms of seeking security in various forms.. ie jobs, locations, community. I moved back to Canada to settle down and it’s been almost three years and due to various circumstances I’m still not quite settled. These thoughts are the ones that keep me up at night. How am I meant to be a functional, competent adult when the things I believe define such a person are still not quite within reach? It’s frustrating!
Now, I know that my present circumstances have been ordained by God. I know that He has the ultimate plan for my life and I know that there are no accidents. I am quite aware that this unsettled period of my life is a growing time, a learning time, a stretching time. I know that God could change everything in a second.. but He doesn’t. And I have to believe there is kindness in this. I know that my faith is changing and growing and that I am learning to let go of my panic and anxious thoughts and just hold on for dear life.
A little over a year ago I was in a situation where I really wasn’t sure how I would pay my bills. I would see the due dates approaching and feel that horrid knot in my stomach– and then somehow it always worked out. Always. I began to see that God will give me exactly what I need, when I need it. Not sooner or later or too little or too much. He gives me exactly what I need. He did that for the Israelites in the desert and yet I sometimes forget He does that for me, too.
And so I take comfort in that fact, that while maybe I don’t have way more than I need, maybe life could be easier and more comfortable, He continues to give me exactly what I need when I need it. Now that is ultimate security!
While, this security isn’t in the form of jobs, relationships, living arrangements, or other tangible items, it is found in God and so it is way better than any of those things. I suppose I’ve had security all along!