Vibes Schmibes

I have a friend who is into vibes. Really into those vibes. She sends happy vibes, positive vibes, affirming vibes, shining vibes into the universe all the time. She sends them my way (I kind of wonder how that is actually done) and she instructs her social media followers to send similar vibes in all sorts of different directions. Her world is a vibey place.

 

Along with that she is all about speaking things into the universe. She believes that when we speak positively and throw things out into the great unknown, the universe will hear us and bless us. The universe is just waiting for us to name and claim things and once we let the universe know that we really want good and happy things— they will happen. It’s magic!

 

Now, I know that this happy positive vibey universe engaging philosophy is a weak kind of “religion” and I know that blessings are from God and not from the universe and it doesn’t matter how much we implore mother nature for sunshine, God controls everything… but what about the power of positive thinking?

 

You see– it’s been a weird year for me and it’s been a year where at times I have not been feeling very positive or deliriously happy or able to hold onto the belief that good things are comin my way. I spent a lot of time fighting for the ability to be okay. Some days that was easier than other days.

 

BUT THEN — I suddenly felt like things were changing. Dark clouds were clearing. I was feeling happier, lighter, healthier. And the thing is– it wasn’t because of all the vibes people were sending me, it was because God was teaching me some big things. It wasn’t about my flinging the dreams into the universe, it was about me trusting God completely and me finding joy in the act of doing so. It was about me finally being able to truly and fully believe that God is good and God is for me. That’s what filled me up and that’s what made me smile and that’s what gave me true joy. So yes, the world is right when it recognizes that seemingly positive people seem to attract good things but it’s dead wrong when it comes to understanding why. So I will never send positive vibes your way, but I will pray that whatever you’re going through, you will be able to “consider it all joy” as you trust in our great God to bring you through whatever it is you’re facing in the days ahead.

On the morning of my flight home for the holidays

I’ve been awake since 3:30am. My flight is not until 5pm but I get pretty geared up and excited the night before I fly and so… ping! Eyes open! Brain racing! And here we are.

My bags are packed… well.. that’s a wee lie. Bags are almost done but you know how all the last minute stuff goes. Other than that, I’m pretty much ready to go. I am more than a little bit excited to be going home for Christmas! 

It has been an incredibly busy time since August. I have been busier than I’ve ever been in my life and I’ve been challenged in all sorts of ways.  

And.

I.

Am.

Tired.

But it’s not a miserable, stressed-out, hysterical tiredness, it’s a content tiredness. I feel like things in my life here are going rather well. Usually at this time of year, I’m exhausted and frazzled and just need to escape everything. I feel rather on top of things for the first time in ages… well there is a bit of a pile of marking that will greet me upon my return but c’est la vie of la professeura de anglais.. or something like that. 

For the past couple of weeks I’ve been engaged in certain professional “dialogues”.. Some are with the admin at my school and others were led by me with the members of my department. Honestly, I feel a bit inadequate asking my colleagues to set their professional goals and then commenting on what I think their strengths and issues are (yikes!), but it happened and we all survived the experience. It was actually a really good thing and inspiring to think of new ways to improve our teaching practices etc etc. 

When meeting with my principal we were able to discuss ways of making the English Department take on a higher profile in the school. He shares my vision of making sure every student likes English and becomes a true lifelong lover of reading and writing. Lots of ideas going back and forth and I now have a few new things to begin to implement when I return. 

In brief conversations with my good friend/colleague, we came up with a couple of creative projects that will make January to June really rather fun. He and I worked on a video last spring for our seniors and we work really well together. You know when someone just “gets” what you’re thinking and then can actually make it happen? He’s that guy. I dream the dream and he does the tech stuff and it all just works. We’ve got a few new ideas up our sleeves which maybe I’ll fill you in on sometime. 

In terms of my classes– they are all gelling well and we’re having a grand ol’ time! 

So I’m tired but I’m happy. I feel like I’m leaving this place in a good place and so I’ll really be able to enjoy being home for three weeks. And while I’m sure there will be tears at the airport when I leave, who are we kidding here?!?! airports are for cry-babies… they won’t be tears about returning. That’s a nice change. 

OK off to play games with my carry-on. I fear I’ve created a rather complicated situation for myself. 

 

Back to Normal-ish.

It’s amazing how one can start to appreciate the really little things. I have been ecstatic all week because I have been getting ready for work in my own apartment! I feel such freedom! If I want to change my clothes, I can. If I want to wear a perfume I haven’t worn in ages, I can. If I want to listen to music and drink coffee and straighten my hair all at the same time, I can. 

Since August, due to early morning cross country practices, I have been getting ready for work in a little cottage that belongs to my school. It’s tiny. It’s made for giant ants. Actually, it’s made forJapanese people. It was not made for tall Canadian girls. So my mornings have been cramped and rushed. The most stressful thing was trying to make sure I remembered to pack my underwear, my deodorant and all of the right clothes for the day. Happily, I can report that I only forgot my mascara once… (the day that shall be forever known as the day I resembled a fetus) Anyway that’s all behind me now. I’m back to getting ready in my own apartment, like normal people do.

So while I’m still oh-so-tired, I love having my early morning time back. 

And that is all I’ve got for now.