On a Rainy Easter Monday

I have been thinking about relationships a lot lately. Relationships with family and friends and… boys. I have been thinking about how easy it is to wreck these relationships and how difficult it is sometimes to see past the humanity of our family, friends and… boys and be able to love and accept these people anyway.

I have been thinking about how we hurt each other by accident or on purpose and how deep down we are all very selfish. I have been thinking about how for me, it’s difficult to talk out or fight out certain difficult issues that arise. It’s hard for me to believe that if I fight with someone, they will come back. I’m not quite sure where this idea comes from but while I can talk a tough game, I hate conflict.

I know that God is our perfect Father, Jesus is our brother and our friend forever. I know that the Holy Spirit is always with me, urging me and prodding me and guiding me through my daily life. I know this but it tends to not sink in as much as it should.

What differs our relationship with God from our other relationships in life is that He is perfect, He can be completely trusted-all the time, He is not a sinful human being.

I have had times in my life where I neglect God, where I squeeze in time with Him to ease my conscience and not because I really want to. I can go for a while without consulting Him and often my prayers can become filled with asking Him for things instead of worshipping Him and enjoying Him. What friend would put up with that?

I continue to appreciate the fact that even when I drift away a little, He welcomes me back and helps me get back on track. I can’t think of a person I know who would be okay with me saying: “I’m sorry I have been neglecting you, help me to start loving you more because right now it’s really hard.” Yet God does. He forgives my humanity, my weakness, my selfishness and He helps me move past it.

I know that as Christians we often compare our relationship with God to relationships we have in the world but it is so much more than that. It is so much better than that. We can’t hide from Him, He sees our ugliness and loves us anyway. That’s a pretty incredible thing.

And so on this Easter Monday, I am thankful for many things particularly that God made it so that we can be in a relationship with Him through His son Jesus. Incredible!

 

 

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On Not Being an Island

I would consider myself to be a pretty open person. My general policy seems to be, if you wanna know, I’m gonna tell you… and I might even tell you if you don’t! I prefer to share things going on in my life rather than keep them bottled up. Which maybe is partly why I do like to blog and journal and write in notebooks and go for long coffee chats.. I JUST GOTTA GET IT ALL OUT!

Anyway, recently I received some bad news and not of the my-favourite-mascara-is-about-to-be-discontinued-variety but really earth shattering, life shaking stuff. It’s interesting to me because suddenly I became a lot less open about it. I didn’t want to share with people the hurt I was experiencing and I didn’t want to talk out my emotions and feelings and thoughts.

I just wanted to be quiet.

And you know, I don’t regret my decision to keep things more silent than ever before. I think for me, I needed a couple of quiet weeks to get my head and heart and mind around what was going on. I needed to get to a place of peace with God on my own. That needed to happen and it did.

However, once those two weeks were over, the news got worse and I found myself reaching out to a few people. I must admit I was completely blown away by their responses. Words, actions, kindness, loving support, warm hugs.. all of it. I don’t know what I was expecting but it was amazing to be able to be loved by my friends and the people closest to me.

I think sometimes we need to let our friends be our friends. We need to let people love us and reach out to us and we need to get the support we need. I think we need to let our friends be good to us. To keep them in the dark about our struggles and pain robs them of the chance to love us and that is a key part of relationships. Yes, Paul Simon might be content to remain as a rock, an island and have no need for friendship cos friendship causes pain but I know that I was built for relationships, friendships and community and that it’s important for me to express things and get help when I need it.

So despite the rough days, I truly believe that God cares for me and uses the people around me to comfort me.

And so, I do feel truly blessed to have such kind and loving people in my life.