Lately, I have become rather convicted about my time and how possessive I am of it. Part of this perhaps comes from being a single woman, living alone. (Don’t cry for me Argentina) Part of it comes from being in a ‘people’ job all day. Part of it comes from the ongoing battle between my inner introvert and extrovert. Part of it comes from being so darn tired all the time and lots of it comes from being selfish.
I love hanging out with friends but I also love the freedom of free time. I love when I realize that I can just go home in the evening and relax. I love the thought of a free Saturday. However, when something comes up and takes that free time away from me, I grow resentful.
I was reading in The Screwtape Letters about how one of the easiest ways for a Christian to become irritated is for him to believe that time belongs to him and therefore the world is operating on his clock. He therefore becomes angered by people stealing his time and frustrated when someone interrupts what he thought was going to be a quiet evening. That really struck home.
As with most convicting messages, I was reading a few other things this week that continued to expose this idea and show me that really… my time is not my own. I must not grow resentful of people who take it up or need it. I must look at each day as an opportunity to serve God and others. If I do have some free time, sure, enjoy the heck out of it, but if suddenly it seems that I am required to address something unexpected, then believe that God has this all worked out. The Author of Time, needs me to be flexible and I need to be openminded.
So yes, I still plan on enjoying my free time but I’m going to work on loosening the grip I have on it. I also need to work on paying close attention to my attitude when something “comes up” that changes my original plan. My time is not my own… even though sometimes I’d really like it to be!